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so much ache from an old wound

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I’d love to let this go

Maybe I just wasnt ready to be so happy

It seemed like there was still so much to finish

And I needed the frustration as a reminder to keep going

Like pinching yourself so you know you’re awake

I was trying to give more than I take

The days seem like yesterday if they meant anything

It’s so easy to confuse intention

Shall we walk ahead?

Learn to accept this movement?

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Sometimes these thoughts sneak up on me

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What if I’m not easy going enough?

Do I make you overthink?

Am I bringing things to the brink?

Is there anything I wont sink?

By weighing it down with all of my doubts

My endless ideas

My restless distress

I’m trying

So

Hard

You dont even know

But when blow by blow

It starts to feel

Like what’s happening is I dont let anyone heal

Even though I feel like a soothsayer some days

It’s like the truth is too much for them

I give it my all but it’s not enough again

Waiting to reach the top of the water so I can breath

Learning to fly so I can finally leave

Dont grieve, no

This broken heart bleeds like a sieve

I’m letting it mend now dont you see?

All these dangerous ideas swirl inside

Like a drive by crime but i must survive

Write down the words i need to save

Ignite this fire when it begins to wave

I see what was once invisible

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Say what you need to say

Should we fake out our bodies make them make our day?

Should we

Sweat these things or buy diamond rings?

Calculate the costs or just see where it swings?

I’m feeling a ghostly hand hold me slowly slowing my pace and I can almost see its face

Now I’m not trying to run this like it’s a race and I’m not too stressed about what I cant erase but I want to taste what winning feels like once more

Out the door sounds so easy in a book but when theres so many options seemingly…. well only they all seem the same and things start to feel kinda lame

Nobody to blame except myself and that’s okay because it’s easier this way

On days the ghost isnt looking I swear I see

This visages image looks just like me

It’s like the second thought you indulged just too much or the good intention that became less than such and the moral of this story comes soon enough

You gotta get to getting up and you gotta get to seeing through and what holds you back is almost invariably you

Mythic movements of the electronic keyboard

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Startling bioavailability

Striking a match just to watch it burn

Chemicals churning as we discern

The color of this feeling

The word association

Sampling of the science

Meanings more than double and I’m waiting feeling like

This shaving was on ice

As the water washes over

Walking away from simple metaphor

Wouldn’t it be nice

To see

Where we oughta be?

Wouldn’t it be nice

To have

Optimal trajectory

I’m sure it’s out there

I’m sure its here inside me too

It starts to feel like science

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There’s this surreal feeling

When your heart is wanting

You have your sweetheart

You want for nothing more

It’s an obvious answer

To an overasked question

When seeking solitude

What I really meant was me and you

You’re tracing the outlines of my lips

I’ve got my hands on your hips

As I say the words you wanna hear

As I say them like you’ve never known

Now we’re not alone

Maybe this was all meant to be

Maybe this was eternally as it was

Maybe I just like saying maybe

It reminds me things are still open

If you have the right key

No

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No

I refuse to succumb to this darkness

Wave it away

This scent of decay

This stench of death

This fear of the unknown

Embrace, let it be known

The idea and the light was shone

You’re essence will never fade

Your soul is alive I know

Reaching through this drifting snow

Letting me see you

I was glad to meet you

Yes I will choose to believe we are souls

No I wont see this as a waste

If I see no way out I’ll gather together the broken down elements of the universe to invent something to stand on

I’ll make a door

The lukewarm lull of apathy won’t bind me

The ease of falling on my sword wont tempt me

Whenever it feels I am drifting

I will fill my lungs with ambition and exhale motivation into my sails

When the sky seems infinitely far away

I will remember it is good to have a journey

My heart will swell with the thrill of leaving safe harbors

Of seeing all the sights to see

Vulnerability

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And though I am not alone

I feel this in my bones

The built up murmurs blow like a breeze

Drifting garbage effigy

Wake me up before you leave here

Save me from this frightful nightmare

Although I feel I have a grip

I’d be lying if I didnt say I’m scared

I’m lost

I’m alone

A seeming contradiction as you battle your addictions

These days we try to find

The light to let it shine

A hope beyond the horizon we seek another way

Hold onto me my love

I’m slipping on these floors are meant to hold

The dying words of the bold

Take my hand my dear

I’m leading us out of here right now

It’s done

I’m out

Save me from this strange malaise

I’m drifting in a sea of haze

A feeling I cant quite describe

I’m here

But really I’m not

And I wont let it go

I’m waiting for these years to slow

I know it sounds bad

But would you rather see me had

By trying to destroy this dream

Recover

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Wipe down the bar to pass the time

I’m scanning faces I’ll decline

To show my face I’m dying

I’m really trying

The muscles burn

Theres got to be a better way

A more natural state of life for me

I’m fading

I fantasize of endless tracts of time

An expanse of my netflix binge

Doing things on a whim

I’m not saying I’d hide forever

I just need the time I need

To recover this bleed

I’m sinking my legs are aching

I need this escape

I need a new idea

Those ninja stored effects

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It was once our stuff

It felt like these things crept into the other things

Snuck inside them like something innocent like water being absorbed by the bottom of cardboard boxes it was nobodys fault

Until one day they returned to just being things

The energy wore off I suppose

I’m shrugging off what once felt like

A growth attached to my skin

Saved myself so I could see

Erased this board and set me free

Either back to the universe or back to who it came out of

The old jar of peanut butter endures, some spices and sugar

The coffeemaker and some bowls

Utensils

There are memories but they dont haunt

They just are now

And honestly I wish the best for you