Move on

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Just get over it they say

You’re scheduled to close

You need a smile on your face

Oh my god can I just run away

They impatiently wait for you to stay

Any and all feelings too big for their microscopic brains

And there must be something wrong with you

If you feel bad but not bad for having feelings too

If you don’t structure it in this format and system

Apart from the norm and not dictated by any rules

You’re just there exposed being yourself

And they expect you to hide that stuff high up on a shelf

Its a group think mentality, a farcity of tranquility

A lie they tell themselves so they can sleep and deny any responsibility

But the lie won’t work on me, the things I see

My mind already knows the simulation isn’t real

I just need to deal

But the space I need to heal and the raw end of these feelings leaves me dazed and disoriented

Some express worry or a veiled judgment but the truth is you can’t rush them, if they don’t see what’s in front of them

This existential crisis is the slight we take from life and all our definitions are made of blurry font and the lighting is making things harder to discern but the question we are asked is what did we learn

You get it or you don’t, I’ve tried hard to explain and though it feels in vain

I know who I am, it’s still not easy but I still like the rain

Watch me as I leave the toxic air they breath

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It all rescues itself

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I might

I might recall a feeling

Of disaster,

This conversation is boring and

I don’t have what you’re after

You’re forcing my smile to ache my face

It’s unbelievable

Like the coin on the wrong side

Flip it again to stay the luck

It’s overwhelming

Scheduled stories and words to end the gory

A sanitary safe word

Heard words, a strange thing

Bring home the new ring

It’s all a waking dream

I don’t care anymore

I’m awake and aware

Sailing towards shore

I want these things were told we cannot have

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I want to exist where magic is real

I want to feel it flow through me like electric blood

Everything has energy, everything is alive

Its either everything matters or nothing or is it

I’m tired of everyone being separated

We traded our family for a bunch of wires that connected to avatars of ourselves that mutated into waves

Ironic as these are a mock up of what we originally had

I’m free form writing trying to express this dying leap of off the mountain diving and sequential life depriving

I’ll formulate these words into song, lyric, poem, verse, or worse

It’s a quality rightfully exquisite paradox we have

A numbing lethargy and a restless all nighter

A tumultuous and deadly climb onto heights we are coaxed onto seeing each step as just another yet all leading us to this mortal situation, this existential manifestation of a cycle occurring as we start making equations, silently searching the desolation for a quick trip from isolation, a distraction a freedom feeling like it’s all an easy ride, funny and quick to take in stride

As the days keep evaporating and it seems I alone am unable to handle this bad deal and this lack of things to feel

Our hearts are kept in the dark

Staring towards the sun as we try to run away

Sway me and guided by the voice I was made of

Its such a strange and epic tragedy

We have all these answers we just hold onto strengthening division and indecision, we know what is right yet we fight against the light

We stand face to face with another sentient being and do we really think they don’t see what we see? Or they don’t feel just like we do and these obscure methods and works march onwards, a fitting word to march as in unison despite the uniformity being the thing keeping us alone

Echos in an elevator to nowhere

Ambient

Indiscernable noise of movement

All you knew seems gone

A desire to run

A shot through the dark

Talking to yourself with nothing to say

You hear take action

But it’s a murmur miles away

And you want to leave

But you don’t know where the exit is

There must be more

It must be okay

You know there’s a way out

As the words drift

Leaving just like the day

Im not ready

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I’ll avoid the gears, the shifting and the grind

I’ll face the storm and stand

I don’t see this as some narrative beginning middle end

Envisioning these flawless days

I see light even absent bright rays

It’s not a struggle

It’s a realization

A transcendence

I’m free of following instructions

Free of lazy reductions

Able to answer with eloquence

Ambient decadent elegance

Artifacts of you

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I found a hair hiding inside the leg of my shorts today

It was your color

It felt forlorn like it had been discarded

As I held it I was reminded of how inextricable you are from myself right now

This dead bundle of keratin and artificial color

Filled with the etching of its travels like a tiny follical record

Still soft from numerous untold washing and conditioning

It may have hitched with me to the gym, clung on through the wash and here again as it acts as muse once more like the one who left it

Oddly though it is but the shedding of a mere group of cells formed into strands of soft and reassuring luxury,

I feel as though somehow you are still with me

Draping it on my shoulders as an innocent shroud of tactile certainty

It’s as though even unattached those things we adorn ourselves with seek home

And when the night finds me once more

I’ll extend a hand to help it along

Knowing I am never alone

Safe with the solitude of the imminent day

Waiting on the sunrise

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And when it bends and breaks

The inevitable and the strange

Escape this day

Do it again you say

Our words infecting like insect bites

Cleansing like an antidote

Send me your quote

Remote and restless

Dark days long nights

Electric glow websites

I’m watching these skys

I’m deciphering this guise

Unbreakable and destroyed

A ruin set to outlast the world

Shadows are friends who never leave

An optical illusion but I can’t conceive

Of a future where I’m not this way

To some degree

If I could receive

A letter just for me

Maybe I would have the strength

Maybe I would go the distance I didn’t know was there

I’ll always see a beauty out of these dark humors

I’ll always be waiting for the next breeze