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The feeling of understanding

This coalescence of ideas from so many confusions

I do so easily lose myself but also find myself too much

Under a microscope of my own design with filters like sepia tinted glass making it kind of an illusion

If your excuse my relaxed style

I realize now I really have been doing my best

Why else would I worry so much about it?

Yeah, maybe I didn’t learn another language yet

But I read the universal ones

I have learned how to access my emotions

Hopefully to make you feel what I feel

It’s not always the worst to realize what you still need to do

Just make sure it’s really what you want

Not some outdated standard

I found myself only seeing what I didn’t do

Mostly technology or a degree

Measurable things

A lot of things I want to do either not started or half done

So much in the idea step with nothing to show except calendar notes urging reminders

You only really stop “wasting” “time” when “you” realize you’ve done your utmost with what you had in you

Embrace the beautiful tragedy of it

But don’t accept it as futile

To make these words and deeds immortal

You must find a way

Through this haze

Recognize what lessons you learned

What value you earned

If you want it, if you don’t accept doing nothing

You’ll navigate these waters

You’ll find shore

It’s a struggle I hate some days but I love it

Because it’s real and it is beautiful