Sometimes I wake up and I really hate myself for feeling the need to sound eloquent
Trying to bend language into something beautiful for what?
To take credit for it?
To stand there smugly and show my validity?
Who am I to deserve a stage or an audience?
I wake up some days so heavy with self loathing
Like I want to rip out my ego as if it was it’s own organ and destroy it
So I can finally feel okay with myself
I could finally feel like I didnt give a gift just to feel like I did a good thing
Eventually I find my stability just as I’m about to cut into myself and remove it
I remember in order to love anybody else I need to love myself because if I didnt love myself I wouldn’t feel like my love was worth giving to anyone
I had to remember nothing is created or destroyed and I cant remove myself from this universe
I wake up some nights hoping my self can dissolve with the last light of day into the night and be reborn not me
But then I remember all those things I’m harboring are not me. They are just ideas.
I wake up some days and I remember I am free
And those days make it worth it to keep going
Knowing I am not insignificant and I have value
I wake up and say to myself it will be okay
5 more minutes I said to the snooze button
I’m often nicer to inanimate objects than to myself
30 seconds or I’ll be late I said to my imaginary work self image
I woke up this morning